I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
