I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
