I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
