I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
