you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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