Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
