...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
