cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Shame - the story of my life.
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