you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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