I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
