By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
