I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
