Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
