I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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