Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
