I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
