can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
porn star boner night. come get it.
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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