this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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