I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
MIDGETS
????
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
