God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
