I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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