I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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