Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
