Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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