Duck Duck Cougar?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
