I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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