my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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