dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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