I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
