Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
