If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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