worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize