I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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