I want to have your abortion
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
