He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
