Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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