I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
