I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
