just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
