do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
