Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
