I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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