she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
