you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
