My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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