i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize