I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
