apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
