Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
