My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
