I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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