Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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