Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
