We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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