we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
