she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
