he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
