I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
