So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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