Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
