I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
