For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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