The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
